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Things You Should and Shouldn’t Say to a Mom of Twins

  December 11

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When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I knew that I would get mixed reactions to the news. While most friends and family were completely thrilled for us, some other people (and random strangers) have said some pretty shocking things that have left me speechless.

So, in support of all the other twin moms out there, here’s a little guide I jotted down of things you probably should and shouldn’t say to us.

Don’t Say: You’re Too Small To Be Having Twins

Thank you, random stranger! I’m so glad that you’re an expert on how big a woman should look when they’re carrying twins. Last time I went to my doctor, she said I looked fabulous, and seeing as she went to 12 years of school to be my doctor, I’m going to go with her opinion and not yours.

Do Say: You Look So Cute Pregnant!

Thank you! That’s so nice! I’m definitely excited about the two buns in my oven!

Don’t Say: You Look Like You’re About to Pop!

Another twin mom I know cried in the grocery store because someone was astonished she was giving birth in April and not having “a Christmas baby” as the random stranger predicted.

Do Say: You Must Be So Excited to Meet Your Baby!

Thank you! I’m actually having two babies, and yes, we are so thrilled!

Don’t Say: You Definitely Won’t Be Able to Breastfeed

Random stranger, why are we sitting here in the check out line talking about my boobs? I don’t know you, and I don’t even talk to my mom about my boobs, let alone you.

Do Say: I Know You’ll Do Whatever is Best for Your Babies

Of course! We’re going to try out lots of different products and feeding methods and do whatever makes everyone the happiest and healthiest.

Don’t Say: Your Life Is Going to Change Forever

Wow! Are you serious? I thought my husband and I could go out to eat and buy a whole bottle of wine and just leave the twins at home with the dog.

Do Say: Your Life Is Going to Get So Much Better!

Thanks! We feel the same way. We love these babies so much already.

Don’t Say: You Need to Eat More

Well, maybe you need to eat less.

Do Say: What’s Your Favorite Meal? I’ll Make It For You!

That would be great! I really like filet mignon. And potatoes. Lots of potatoes.

Don’t Say: You’re Going to Have to Have a C-section

That’s so cool how you can predict the future! Do you use a crystal ball or tarot cards or what?

Do Say: I Hope You Have a Safe Delivery

Thank you. That’s all we care about. Safety first, regardless of how they come!

Don’t Say: Get at Much Rest Now As You Can!

Gosh, you know, I really would like to. I hear that sleeping now should definitely make me less tired when the twins come. Plus, I bet if I ask these kids to stop kicking my bladder at night, they’ll listen.

Do Say: What Can I Help You With So You Can Take An Extra Nap?

You’re too kind! And, since you asked, those dishes sure are piling up…

Don’t Say: Are They Natural?…

No! Didn’t you get that really cool catalog, the one where you can order robot twins? Yeah, they’re just fake, not natural at all, but hey isn’t technology amazing? They look so real these days.

…No Really, Did You Use Fertility Treatments?

Okay, that whole joke about the robots? That was my way of telling you to back off. Never ask a mom of twins if they used fertility treatments, because it’s rude! Since you’re SO nosy about my personal life though, let’s do the math: I conceived while living on an island in a developing country. They can barely figure out how to use a copy machine to send me my medical records, let alone run a fertility clinic.

Do Say: Twins! How Exciting!

Thank you! We feel the same way!

Don’t Say: Yay, Twins! Two and Done!

You know, random stranger, I was going to talk to my husband about whether or not we should have more kids, but now that you’ve given me your opinion, I feel like I don’t even have to run things by him anymore.

Don’t Say: I Know Someone Who Was Pregnant With Twins But They Lost One

Has anyone ever told you that you have a wonderful way with words? Seriously, how did you know exactly the right thing to say to me? I wasn’t terrified at all carrying two humans in my uterus so it’s a good thing your words have no effect on me.

Do Say: I’m Sure You’re Worried, But Everything Will Be Okay!

Thanks! Being pregnant with twins is definitely stressful at times. I really appreciate the kind words!

Don’t Say: Better You Than Me!

You know, I agree. It is better that I’m having the twins and not you. But hey, maybe you can babysit?

Do Say: If Anyone Can Handle Twins, It’s You!

Thanks for the vote of confidence! I really appreciate it!

Don’t Say: It’s A Good Thing You’re Having the Twins First Because You Won’t Know Any Better

Know any better about what? Is this a code? Are you trying to tell me a secret? Do I look like a detective?

Do Say: That’s Great You’re Having the Twins First! They’ll be Best Friends!

Thanks! We sure hope so!

Don’t Say: Double Trouble! Your Hands Are Going to be Full!

Oh, I was just going to get one of those kid-backpack things and just strap one to my front and one to my back. Then my hands will be free. And if they’re trouble, they’ll just have to flail about while strapped to me. Problem solved.

Do Say: What a Blessing. You’re So Lucky.

Thanks. I feel really fortunate to be their mom! I really appreciate your support.

….. aaaand [end scene]

73 responses to “Things You Should and Shouldn’t Say to a Mom of Twins

  1. Hahaha, great read. It’s amazing how bold people will be sometimes! Semi-related example, an American friend here repeatedly was asked who she voted for in the last US election! Not from close friends, from people at the coffee shop and stuff!

  2. Ha! This is a blast of memories for me. Our worst and best moments both happened at the grocery store. The woman at the deli actually walked around the corner and slapped her glove right on Cheryl’s stomach. Yeah…really?

    The funniest one happened when this little old lady started yelling at my wife from all the way across the store. Before I tell you what she said, Cheryl is 5’2″ and carried our twins to term. Yeah….in her words, “I’m a circus act!” So, she’s struggling through the store and I’m pushing the cart. This lady starts yelling, “Miss! Miss!” and shuffles toward us. She pulls up next to Cheryl and says conspiratorially, “Miss, I don’t know if you know this, but I think you’re pregnant!” We all got a good laugh, and it was a great way for her to break the ice to ask all of her questions. Far better than just slapping her hand on Cheryl’s stomach.

    By the way, you don’t walk around talking about your boobs all the time? I do. Yesterday at Walmart, “Check these babies out.” I can’t figure out why people kept clear of me. Are you implying I should stop?

  3. Awww yes the things people say to you when you’re pregnant.

    I’ve always looked much younger than I am. When I was pregnant with my first daughter (was 22 when she was born) I helped run the cash register a lot at my Grandmas store. One of the old me who came in there told a coworker that it’s a shame so many teenage girls feel the need to have babies. (Implying I was like 16) I was told all the time I was too young and it pissed me off.

    You have to do whatever is right for you and those babies which is completely different for everyone. My two kids were like night and day. My oldest daughter never ever ever slept as a baby but my youngest slept so much I thought something was wrong with her. You’ll figure out it as you go.

    1. Oh my gosh haha! Another friend of mine has the same problem with looking young. Someone asked her if she was keeping the baby, again implying that she was a teenage mother. People are nuts!! And thanks for the encouragement. πŸ™‚

  4. As the mom of twins, I can sooooo relate to this! It amazes me how bold people are with their questions and comments. I heard everything from “Oh my gosh, did you see the size of that woman?” to “Are you dilated yet?”

    And then when they were born, people would ask, “How do you tell them apart?” They’re fraternal, so my reply is “I look.”

    And my favorite… “I don’t know how you do it.”

    To which my reply was that social services doesn’t like it very much when you just neglect your children, so you figure things out. πŸ™‚

    Best wishes to you and your family and keep that sense of humor! It comes in handy!

    1. Hahaha Christina, I so needed this comment today. Too hilarious. I know who to e-mail the next time someone says something crazy. I love your comebacks! πŸ™‚

  5. Oh geez people mean well but they say idiotic things sometimes! I have to be honest, unless the pregnant mom brings up her pregnancy at all, I totally keep my mouth shut and don’t say a word about anything, because you never know what someone might be sensitive about!

  6. I can’t believe people have said some of these things to you or any mom in general…people can be so weird!

  7. Good one Cat! I probably said to you that you should rest up, so I apologize for that. So, how about, what can I help you with that will give you a little break? PS, I can’t do your dishes!

    Good luck with everything Cat and I know you are excited for the future!

  8. Whoops, I’ve definitely messed up on a few of these…

    Also, I’ve never looked at the stats, but do you know if the frequency of twins has gone up? I know at least ten sets personally, whereas growing up, I knew one. I don’t expect you to know this answer, I just think it’s fascinating. πŸ™‚ Off to google.

  9. Love it!! During my pregnancy, I always got “Are you sure you aren’t having twins?” Um, pretty damn sure, thanks. I’m only 5’2, not much room for baby to go anywhere but out!!

    1. I am an identical twin, and just to let you know, the comments will never end…..for you or your children πŸ™‚ However, being a twin is an awesome experience, and I can’t imagine life without my sister. I do think that people truly mean well.

  10. haha, love it. I stuck my foot in my mouth as a kid when I told my parents someone was pregnant who wasn’t… whoops! So now I just try and say only nice things and let the preggers ladies decide what their “sharing comfort level” is. =)

  11. I love this! People are so obnoxious. As if every pregnant woman in the world isn’t already a neurotic mess over the safety of their babies, strangers have to amplify these fears!

    To the person who talked about losing one of them, I think I’d slap them across the face. You can always blame the pregnancy hormones ;).

    By the way, Cat, I wish you a healthy pregnancy and I think you are adorable pregnant πŸ™‚

  12. Too funny! My takeaway is that, with my big mouth, I am just going to say “Congratulations!” and leave it at that. πŸ™‚

    Thanks for the laugh, today, Cat. You’re always good with that.

  13. This made me laugh out loud! But it’s all so true, and can we add DO NOT, under any circumstances touch some ladies pregnant belly if you don’t know her and haven’t gotten permission from her? If you wouldn’t touch my stomach when I’m not pregnant, please don’t touch it when I am.

    1. Oh come on! You don’t want the lady at the deli counter slapping her glove on your belly like she did to Joe’s wife? (Scroll up in the comments – lol!)

      1. Oh my! That’s just so wrong, gloved and all! Well I’m wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy. Sounds like you’ve got it under control!

  14. Are they natural!!! ahhhh that is bad. has anyone asked you that? Some people really make you wonder.

    1. Girl, I’m in this online group of women who are having twins around the same time as me and about half of them have been asked this question!

  15. So many of these are true and I remember them well. But just remember they are trying to connect in some way, regardless of how graceless it feels. They just want to wish you well. Awkwardly! Be well Cat!

  16. Ha! This is fabulous! I feel like this is a great topic for all pregnant moms, but especially twin moms too. When my best friend got pregnant, I bought her a shirt with a hand and a red circle with a line across it — because random people won’t stop touching preggo bellies. What’s up with that?! Personal space…hello!

  17. I have an illogical fear of asking women if they’re pregnant. I’m scared of asking because if it turns out they’re just fat, then things might get kind of awkward.

  18. I am a twin! I will refrain from saying some of the things my mom has told me… and tell you that my sis and I were and still are best friends. AND even if infant stage might seem harder with 2, it gets easier because they have each other to play with. I know it’s a challenge for me with my son not having a sibling and wanting my husband and I to play with him CONSTANTLY. Getting home from work tired, etc., it can be hard. My mom says it was nice that we always had each other. Some interesting things – we needed minor speech therapy when we hit school (nothing to be alarmed about) because we communicated with each other just fine and didn’t feel a need to communicate properly with anyone else! My mom separated us in school starting in grade 2, and I can see her point – we made other friends that way.

    1. That’s so interesting! Thanks for sharing! I was wondering about separating them in school so I’m glad to hear your opinion of it! πŸ™‚

  19. Pretty funny. Did people actually make those rude comments to you? All I can say is that I have three brothers, one a little less than 2 years older, and 2 a little less than 2 years younger. Yes, the younger brothers are identical twins. It made for an adventurous upbringing.

    I also have a good friend who recently had twins. They are really identical. She initially had to put polish on one of their toe nails to tell the difference. They have changed enough after the first month or so that it is now easy to tell them apart.

    I wish you and your family the best.

    1. Oh yes, these are a compilation of things people have said to me and a few other twin moms I know! And too funny about your friends twins! My husband was so relieved we were having 1 boy and 1 girl – He was worried about telling them apart. πŸ˜€ and Thank you!

  20. MORE LIKE THESE. Is this the ranty post you alluded to on Facebook? B/C if so, keep this up! For realz. I’m kind of jealous. I want twins!

  21. “Okay, that whole joke about the robots? That was my way of telling you to back off. Never ask a mom of twins if they used fertility treatments, because it’s rude! Since you’re SO nosy about my personal life though, let’s do the math: I conceived while living on an island in a developing country. They can barely figure out how to use a copy machine to send me my medical records, let alone run a fertility clinic.” Lol, I about fell out the chair laughing at this one as did Nicole.

    I don’t know what it is, but it’s like most people lose ALL sense of common decency when around a pregnant woman. It’s like they took an extra stupid pill that morning and have no clue how to act amongst us normal people.

    Nicole had some idiot at the grocery store, when she was pregnant with our last, say “Oh my gosh, you’re SOOO huge!” I wanted to deck this person. Who in the hell says that to a pregnant woman. At least she was big because she had another human in her and not because she couldn’t put down that last box of Ho-ho’s. Great read Cat, keep the rants coming. πŸ™‚

    1. Bahahaha poor Nicole. I just can’t believe people say that stuff. Just say we look beautiful and that’s it!! Haha. Thanks for the encouragement to post it!

  22. I only have one baby inside but my coworkers keep referring to my pregnancy as a condition and act like I am carrying a baby on my hip and not in my stomach. “Oh there they are” when I walk into a room “you two need to slow down” if I am bustling down the hall. Its like oh hey I am still my own person can we focus on that?. In a meeting a boss literally said we need to make sure we all stay up to date woth our work but we don’t want to stress out anyone’s baby…..and looked at me. Sometimes I feel like I am on Mad Men.

  23. It is astonishing that some people don’t even think that these things are inappropriate. And the fact that strangers have been saying these things to you? It blows me away. You seem that it isn’t bugging you all that much, so way to keep a positive attitude.

  24. My goodness, the things people will say! It’s like I get people are curious, but have some decency. I think some people want to make you as miserable as they are. Seriously awesome post. This is your blog, don’t ever hesitate posting rants πŸ™‚

  25. This cracks me up because people do say the dumbest things when you’re pregnant. One of my old co-workers told me that I was getting fat (I was about 6 months at the time!) and I locked myself in my boss’s office and cried all day long =/ It really hurts when you’re pregnant and sensitive.

    And if you do end up having a C-section, it isn’t bad at all. I had two and would do it again in a heartbeat. I personally had no desire to push a baby out of you know where.

  26. This was hilarious (and also mortifying that some people have the audacity to say the don’ts). I loved your comebacks for the don’ts. My friend who wasn’t pregnant at the time was asked by some guy when she was due… she quickly replied, “I’m not pregnant, how about you, when are you due?” considering the guy had quite a belly on him! haha

  27. It’s shocking to me what comes out of people’s mouths! This is a pretty hilarious roundup though I’m sure you weren’t laughing through some of them when they happened! “Well, maybe you should eat less.” Love that. If only you could say that out loud without feeling like a schmuck, right? You rock!

  28. Love this, Cat! You tell them! I don’t know what it is about a pregnant women that somehow makes people think they can say and do things they normally wouldn’t! I’ve always thought it would be so much fun to have twins and I can’t wait to live vicariously through you. πŸ™‚ You and your husband are definitely blessed to be having twins and your twins are blessed to have to you and the hubs as their Mom and Dad.

  29. lol “maybe you should eat less”. Come on people! Why do we have to comment on everyone else’s business? My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years now and the comments we get are so frustrating and hurtful.

    1. Ooh best of luck Ben!! I hope that you two get to start your family soon. I have heard that it’s equally frustrating for those who are trying to have a baby to constantly hear “just relax” “don’t think about it” — It’s like seriously!? Your comments aren’t relaxing!!! Sending you two a big hug!

  30. My FAVORITE part πŸ™‚

    They can barely figure out how to use a copy machine to send me my medical records, let alone run a fertility clinic.

    Haha! Too funny!! You are so cute and you are already an amazing momma to those two precious babes!!

  31. OH my gosh, people just amaze me, Cat. Blow them off. People started telling me at six months that I looked ready to pop. I don’t think people mean to be hurtful, but somehow they manage. As for me, I’m completely confident that you are going to be awesome parents, and that your life with your babies will be a tremendous joy. πŸ™‚

  32. I am having twins. We just found out about a month ago. We are finally telling our friends and extended family in a week (a little over 12 weeks) and I am so nervous about hearing these types of things. You bet your a** I am scared about it, but I am also excited about. I hope people are kinder and at least say it behind my back. Thanks for sharing this.

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